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Why The Hell Do People Eat Avocado When It Tastes Like Soap?

Avocado is like Donald Trump. It's tasteless yet inexplicably popular.

If one food is emblematic of our times, it's avocado. The humble fruit of the Persea americana tree has become the most eaten and definitely most Instagrammed food around.

I just Googled a list of the 20 most Instagrammed foods and avocado was the only fruit or vegetable on the list. There really is a cult around it.

Why?

By any reasonable measure, avocado is appallingly tasteless green mush which ruins every ingredient it comes into contact with.

I'd rather eat the table.

Fetta cheese is sharp and delicious. Pair it with avocado on toast and you smear away that delicious goat cheesy tang.

Bacon on a BLT is crispy and salty and good. Avocado masks all that flavour in an unctuous green ooze.

Salad is crunchy and tangy. Avocado makes it slimy and bland.

Vegemite toast is buttery. Avocado is just more butter on top of that.

Sushi is a delicate mix of flavours. A slice of avocado drowns all those flavours out.

In Brazil, they drink avocado smoothies. Oh look, they just elected a madman. COINCIDENCE????

As for guacamole, don't get me started. No plate of nachos was ever improved by that lizard snot.

This is not food. It's soylent green.

Now, you might think this opinion is unpopular. You'd be not entirely correct.

Recently, I found a hidden slice of avo on my sandwich, and took to social media to share my dismay. I feared a pile-on. Instead I found solidarity.

Thankfully, there are people out there like me who really don't get it either.

Some are even quite angry about it.

Historically, the Aztecs associated the avocado with fertility and believed it was a natural aphrodisiac.

Today, people just believe it tastes good. It just goes to show that people are as dumb now as they were thousands of years ago, albeit for different reasons.

The more you think about it, the more you realise the whole avocado cult is built on lies.

Example: The term "smashed avo".

You can't smash a soft slimy thing. You can only spread it. Just like the lies people spread about avocado being the best thing since the sliced bread they serve it on.