Excuse Me, But Someone Needs To Do Something Wild At The ARIAs This Year
It's November once again, and you (probably) know what that means: It's ARIA Awards time!
Can you BELIEVE it? A whole year has passed since the writers of every site you read were told by their editors that it was time to "get some excitement for ARIAs coverage" by "tapping into nostalgia and iconic moments".
Now, no one is disputing that yes, it was indeed a very iconic moment when Madison Avenue's singer Cheyne found herself so parched during her three-minute performance that she beckoned for a glass of water that she then couldn't even take a sip from. OBVIOUSLY, that's iconic, and wild, and insane.
The problem lies with our entertainers, who -- for the past 18 years -- have been failing to do their jobs as ENTERTAINERS by not serving us any viral-worthy moments since the year 2000. That's so long ago! Babies born in that year can literally drink now!
I don't want to be sitting here telling Aussie acts everywhere that they need to get their s**t together and serve us some drama, but it's gone too far. I simply cannot talk about Madison Avenue's glass of water again next year!!!
Here I am today, ready to take a stand for entertainment writers everywhere, to beg Aussie artists everywhere, to DO SOMETHING INTERESTING this year.
Here's the thing. It doesn't take much to create a viral moment that will have people talking.
You could serve a provocative performance that would get people talking.
Grind on someone, dance with a snake, perform a strip tease, kiss a musical icon, declare a war on fascism. All of that has worked in the past, maybe try one of these!
You could start some drama.
Celebrity beef is literally always a winner, but confronting it live on stage? Wowee, now that's fun. Go off, sis!
You could read the wrong winner!
I literally still can't believe this even happened and every time I recall this moment, I gasp all over again.We Need
You could go HAM on your speech.
This is YOUR MOMENT, make the most of it!!!
You could fall over!
Classic fodder for the internet. A+ content.
You could literally just serve us a reaction shot to make memes out of????
How hard is it to make a FACE? Anybody can do that, and it could be your moment. Make the most of your opportunities!
Please, I will honestly take anything at this point. I just need something, anything that's interesting enough for people to laugh at, to click on. Something that makes people think "oh damn, I guess I should've watched the ARIAs!" or "I can't believe when ______ did ______!"
I need a WATER COOLER MOMENT, SWEETIES. Do something weird, wacky, wonderful. I don't care. Just don't be boring! I really can't stress that enough.
Okay bye xoxo