How To Have A Cracking Work Christmas Party And Stay Employed

‘Tis the season of the work Christmas party.

A great chance to get together to let your hair down after a big year, celebrate the festive season and enjoy your colleagues’ company.

There is also extreme danger of undoing a year of good work, your long-standing reputation and potentially your job with behaviour that would see you cop a life ban from Santa’s nice list.

I’ve seen it all at office parties over the years, so here’s my Christmas gift to you, the ultimate guide to dos and don'ts at the office do.

Work functions are not the place to ask for a pay rise.

Ever. Best you don’t saddle up to your direct manager let alone the CEO with a belly full of eggnog with your wish list.

Beware of the smartphone.

Don’t be like those Muppets who act up in public, on Mad Monday (the sporting world’s end-of-season wrap-up) because not only does your poor behaviour reflect on you and your employer, chances are it’s being captured by a smart phone and you’re going to end up on an Instagram story or, ever worse, saved to a camera roll for safe keeping.

Dress appropriately, after all it is a work function.

If you wouldn’t wear it to the office on the following Monday then keep it in the wardrobe where it belongs. I’m looking at the ladies with the short hems, too much skin and whoever that guy is in the Hawaiian shirt. Does he even work here?

Fighting is reserved for Christmas Day around the family dinner table.

At the ripe old age of 20, this country girl moved to the big smoke to write for a newspaper a month before the company Christmas party at a lush five-star hotel in the city (prior to the GFC, obvs). The entertainment wasn’t the fantastic band but a fist fight between two colleagues from advertising. Boom boom, POW!

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Dirty dancing is forbidden.

With anyone. Please refrain yourself should the DJ whip out Christina Aguilera’s Dirty or Hot in Here by Nelly.

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Hook-ups are out of bounds.

No married couple got together on the back of a boozy pash in front of the masses at the work Christmas party. These moments of passion never end well for anyone, participants or spectators. Avoid the #awkwardness on Monday by giving the mistletoe a wide berth. Plus, it’s the champagne telling you that nerdy guy Joshua from accounts is actually kinda cute.

Look after your workmates.

Someone is always going to hit the red wine on an empty stomach or binge drink because it’s their one night out for the year. There may be stumbling, there may be tears and, God forbid, there is vomit. While enjoying yourself, make sure your office buddies are having enough water and food between getting merry and ensure you’ve all got plans to get home safely.

OMG the flash!

And finally, don’t photocopy your backside. This may have been a key no-no in the '90s, but -- hey -- everything old is new again.

Follow these tips and you are sure for a cracking night!