Why Today Is The Silliest Day Of The Year

Treasure it.

I went to a parrrrrrty on Saturday night. It was a 50th and my friend says maaaaaate a lot, so his wife decided to make us all walk the plank and dress as pirates. I'm a tad boring so don't really go in for fancy dress, but turns out the choice of theme was appropriate because we did a fair bit of marauding. Safe suburban marauding, but marauding nonetheless.

We drank rum (among other things) and said 'shiver me timbers' and 'ahoy there' a lot. And then one of my fellow hearties pulled out a very modern pirate device called a mobile phone and suggested we should have held the party back a mere four days when it was International Talk Like A Pirate Day.

Professionals by day, pirates by night.

Yep, just in case you spend 364 days a year resisting the urge to place a parrot on your shoulder and imitate those who commit acts of criminal violence at sea -- today is your 24-hour window when that all make perfect sense.

There really is a day for everything. Indeed a quick peek through your eyepatch at www.daysoftheyear.com provides a long list of weird celebrations, all of which are legit, despite sounding like someone made them up on Make Up A Weird Day Of The Year Day.

Captain Featherlum dances like he's got two left peg legs.

January kicks off with Step in a Puddle and Splash Your Friends Day, Bubble Wrap Appreciation Day, Inane Answering Message Day, Appreciate a Dragon Day, Rubber Ducky Day, Handwriting Day and, my personal favourite, Answer Your Cat's Questions Day, which would no doubt be along the lines of 'if I was allowed to poop on the newspaper all those years why can't I let one loose on your iPad?'

January 25 is Opposite Day, which should probably be celebrated at night, followed closely by Data Privacy Day, although I couldn't find much information on that.

February, March and April include Proof Reeding Day, (well spotted), Weed Appreciation Day, (no, not that kind of weed, though it might explain the previous spelling mistake), Morse Code Day (which falls on --/--/--) Hedgehog Day, Read in the Bathtub Day and Tell a Fairy Tale Day, which usually ends happily ever after.

You see a spike in hedgehog activity around February. Image: Getty

May and June's highlights include Ukelele Day, Juggling Day, Leave the Office Early Day and, best of all, Columnists Day, which in my editor's opinion is too long and should be cut around midday.

In July alone there is Don't Step on a Bee Day, Uncommon Instrument Awareness Day, Cow Appreciation Day and - hear ye, hear ye - Town Crier Day. Other jolly July celebrations are strangely in conflict with each other. July 3 is Stay Out of the Sun Day, meaning you'll burn much more easily a mere 48 hours later when you embrace Bikini Day.

Some people try and celebrate Bikini Day and Stay Out Of The Sun Day at the same time. Perhaps she is scanning the horizon for pirate ships. Image: Getty

Sometimes there are two Days in one and it would be difficult to celebrate both. For example, July 7 is Tell the Truth Day and Forgiveness Day, when you could be pardoned for lying despite not having done so.

August is the month for Bad Poetry Day (which should fall in May), September hosts Equal Pay Day, which I took off but my colleague Rosie covered for me because she needed the money, while in October there's CAPS LOCK DAY, WHICH HAS A VERY EMPHATIC FOLLOWING.

November hosts Cliché Day, which is always a rollercoaster of emotions. And then in December there's Cat Herders Day, which celebrates multi-tasking, something we all do around Christmas.

Christmas? When the hell's that again? Oh, that's right, December 25. Just five days before Bacon Day, which, sorry JC, is my favourite day of the year.

Merry marauding, me hearties! Don't get hooked.