The Top 5 Relationship Villains

We’ve all encountered Iago-esque villains in our relationships.

The types that have elaborate strategies and plans to meet often unknown objectives. In most of these cases there’s a lot of plotting, conniving, hatching and concocting that goes on (imagine Mr Burns from the Simpson’s drumming the tips of his fingers together now, with a ‘cat got the cream’ smile on his face).

Said people are common in literature – yes, a classic example is Shakespearean devil, Iago. But you might also like to throw into the mix a Mr Wickham, a Heathcliff, even a Christian Grey. Yes, many the villain can be found pressed into the pages of classics, or on the film screen – but those authors and script writers likely took inspiration from real life in crafting said dastardly creatures.

In relationships, some of us are simple and like to take things at face value. We keep things as honest and transparent as possible (with the odd white-lie – we’re only human after all!). Others like a little intrigue to keep things fresh, and then there’s the diabolical villain type who lives for the drama – the stalking of mobile phone content, the multiple relationships and the creation of elaborate scenarios. You know the ones. Perhaps you’ve even been the one before.

It’s hard to tell how this transition occurs. One goes from being a virtually normal person to whispering elaborate plots in cloistered locations (usually the coffee shop or a dark corner of a party) in such a stealthy fashion, that it’s hard to recognise the chronic symptoms of the relationship-lunatic malady until it’s in full flight.

Here’s some top tips of when you have clearly over stepped the line, and need to chill out or seek a relationship-exorcist:
  • 1. When you create a fake online dating account so you can stalk your pseudo-partner.
  • 2. When you engage said person in some online tryst from your fake account to prove that they’re cheaters. Take photos of the messages as evidence and even turn up at the tryst location to do the big reveal i.e. “Tah-dah” it was me all along!
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  • 3. You purchase a fitness tracker, link it to your phone and thrust the tracker in someone’s car so you can monitor their movements at all time, and ensure they’re not spending too long at any one location.
  • 4. When you find yourself hiding amongst the bushes of the abovementioned location, staking out what said person is up to.
  • 5. When there is material you refer to as “evidence” to friends and family (who are burdened with hearing the stories of your frenzied endeavours) – this might include photographs, recording, tapped emails or messages.

You might be thinking … What??? But, I would be surprised if you haven’t heard of any such incident or had to council a friend in the throes of the relationship-crazy malady. Perhaps you might even recognise yourself (ever so slightly) in one of those examples. If so, you might want to slap yourself across the face a few times to resume a greater sense of clarity.

And what if we’re on the other side? The prey in the relationship trap.

Unfortunately, such villains are often persuasive and inherently charming, they draw us into their web insidiously, so much so that we only realise we’re stuck when we’re, well … stuck.

It’s also hard to know what drives such behaviour. You try to get to the pip, the kernel of truth to reverse the craziness, but this oft proves illusive.

In true Iago-esque fashion said person can just disappear into the night when they’re discovered, leaving us to wonder ….

Qu’est que c’est? Or...

WTF?