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I Had A Stormy Time Trying To Get A Pornstar To Come Down Under

I knew I had blown my chances even before I'd hung up the phone.

“You want her to come to Australia?" the voice inquired, more interested in how I'd got his number than in why I was trying to track down the world’s most famous porn star, Stormy Daniels.

“Yes”, I replied, quickly. “She loves Australia. There is a picture of her holding an Australian Travel guide,” I tell him.

“In one of her movies?” he asks.

“No, on the internet,” I replied, only realising afterwards that perhaps I needed a more complete answer. I guess there are a lot of weird people trying to get in touch with Pornstars all the time. Especially ones they had seen on the internet. I hadn’t yet realised I had become one of them.

I decide to take a more hardline approach.

“I used to be an Australian Senator,” I told him.

“Used?”

“Oh yes, I had to resign over a scandal.... But that’s not the point.” Realising I was only making things worse, I quickly added, “can’t we get back to Stormy Daniel’s coming to Australia?”

By that stage it was too late. I had already lost him. I heard a click and realised he'd hung up.

I tried to enlist Kyle Sandiands and Jackie Henderson from the Kiis breakfast program “Kyle and Jackie O”  in the endeavour but got nowhere with them either.

“We need to run a campaign to get her to come to Australia!” I told them on air. “Surely we can crowd source the funds.”

A stupid suggestion that opened myself to an attack from Kyle. The last person I crowd funded a campaign for is facing attempted murder charges. Not the best track record.

At this point the fair question to ask is why? Who cares about a ridiculous porn star and why would I want her to come to Australia?

Stormy Daniels. Image: Getty.

Stormy Daniels' real name is Stephanie Clifford. She is 39 years old, has one child, and prior to claiming an affair with Donald Trump was only known for her porn movies. I’d never heard of her.

She is famous because, by her own admission, she took $130,000 in hush money to not speak of an alleged affair with Donald Trump. The details are murky and disputed, but it’s fair to say it is hardly exemplary behaviour.

She has been ridiculed, humiliated and unmercifully attacked by the right wing media in the USA. And she could not give less of a shit. If anything she has become more emboldened in her attack on the US President.

An American pornstar fighting an elected President is not a hero. She doesn't claim to be. But in the age of Trump. Of Twitter. Of social media cycles. In an age of partisanship when fights are born out in the public media -- there are no heroes left.

There is what we have. A pornstar. Who just so happens to love Australia.

So I pick up my phone and go through the contacts I have been given for her and try again.

“Oh hi, I’m a former Australian Senator trying to get in touch with an Internet porn star. Hello? Hello?...”