In This Very Polite Summer, We Look Back At Cricket's Five Rudest Sledges
The sledging this summer has been measured, in keeping with Australia's new good-guy approach to cricket.
Sledging ain't what it used to be.
In this summer's Australia/India Test series, the Rishabh Pant/Tim Paine babysitter sledge was amusing. And Tim Paine's sledge of Virat Kohli to Indian batsman Mural Vijay was pretty funny too.
But nothing was said onfield in the series -- which India won 2-1 -- to rival any of the truly disrespectful sledges of the past.
So let's travel down sledging's memory lane, a thoroughfare paved with some of the most brutal comebacks in the history of onfield repartee.
You won't hear any of these from the new nicer Aussie team. Whether that's a good or bad thing, we'll let you decide.
5. The biscuit battle
Glenn McGrath usually let the ball do the talking. But occasionally, his mouth did the work. And when that happened, his opponent often got the better of him.
Zimbabwean bowler Eddo Brandes was known for bowling a decent outswinger, for farming chickens for a living, and for not exactly being a gym junkie.
"Why are you so fat?" McGrath once taunted the portly paceman as he played and missed yet another ball.
"Because every time I f**k your wife, she gives me a biscuit," Brandes retorted.
It should be noted that Brandes meant no disrespect to McGrath's late wife Jane, who died of breast cancer in 2008, but at the time was not ill. It should also be noted that Brandes completely owned that sledging battle.
4. Bus banter
This one is often reported wrongly. It's about Aussie pace legend Merv Hughes and champion Pakistan batsman Javed Miandad.
Some say Javed called Merv a "bus conductor" because of his body shape, but as Merv tells in the video below, he was actually calling him a bus driver.
Anyway, Merv had the perfect comeback to that after getting Javed out. He stretched his hand out and said "Tickets, please!"
3. The least PC sledge of all-time.
When does an offensive, totally non-PC comment approach acceptability? The short answer is when it's an instant response to a sledge which is just as borderline.
So it was that in an Ashes battle of yesteryear, Aussie wicket-keeper Rod Marsh (not a member of THAT Marsh family so he was actually quite good!) took on legendary England all-rounder Ian Botham.
"How's your wife and my kids?" Marsh inquired.
"The wife’s fine, but the kids are retarded," Botham responded.
Game. Set. Match. And championship.
2. Family feud
Here's another one from The Ashes. It's also another case of an Australian being dominated, which seems to happen a lot.
Jimmy Ormond was a bog-ordinary English medium pacer who played the first of his two Tests against Australia in the 2011 Ashes.
"F**k me, look who it is. Mate, what are you doing out here?There’s no way you’re good enough to play for England," Mark Waugh rather ingraciously said as Ormond walked to the crease.
"Maybe not, but at least I’m the best player in my family," Ormond replied to Steve's brother.
Ouch! But true.
1. Bowled, Daryll
Daryll Cullinan was a well-performed South African batsman who made 14 centuries and averaged 44 in his career. But Shane Warne totally dominated him.
Two years after they first faced-off, they met again. Warney had clearly been nowhere near his mum's weight-loss pills during this period, and had put on a few kilos.
This allowed Cullinan to deliver an all time comeback after Warne told him he'd been waiting two years for another crack.
“Looks like you spent the time eating."
Good sledging areas, Daryll.