Take A Look Inside The Cathartic World Of Wedding Shaming
You might have heard recently about the Bridezilla who cancelled her own wedding after demanding her guests contribute $1500 for her "dream wedding" and finding that none of them would cough up.
The post -- by an anonymous woman known only as Susan -- quickly became part of internet wedding shaming lore.
She posted a lengthy tirade to Facebook, cutting ties with her former friends and family because they wouldn't donate several months rent in order to attend this "once in a lifetime party" where she would live like "a Kardashian for a day".
"I mean seriously people, what is $1000? What is $1500? Clearly, not a lot. It would be quite manageable and within budget. I've heard of people asking for worse."
The validity of Susan's story was loosely backed up by widely circulating comments claiming to be from her cousin.
"Yes, this is a living breathing human being. I sadly share a small percentage of DNA with her. Clearly she has entitlement issues, but I have never known her to be this obnoxious."
The original screenshots went viral on Twitter, where they'd been stolen from Reddit, where they'd been lifted from a private Facebook group, in which the screenshots of Susan's post were published in the first place.
But I want to talk about the private Facebook group, which all about shaming, ranting about, and cackling over the brides, grooms, overbearing families, rude guests and general insanity that emerges when the wedding bells ring.
That's It, I'm Wedding Shaming
Facebook groups are, by and large, insane. They are the online forums of 2018, only this time everyone you've ever known is invited. From the moment a Facebook group is made, it hurtles towards two inevitable conclusions: a hell-pit of nastiness, egos and over-policing; or irrelevance.
Luckily, this wedding shaming group -- the second iteration, after the first one banned too many users for god know's what -- is in its infancy, which means its on the rise and the posts are fresh.
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Susan's viral story meant the group exploded, jumping from 500 members to over 30,000 within a few days, the admin told me. Each post has to be approved by an admin, and they were quickly getting 350 new submissions per day.
A belligerent post reminded newcomers, for the third time, that due to the approvals process, their shaming submissions might take a little bit of time. "I blame Susan!" commented one person cheerfully.
But for the posts that do get approved, nothing is off limits.
One person shared a screenshot from a newly engaged Facebook friend, who ranted that her cousin 'stole' her wedding theme of baby blue.
Another told the story of how she was asked to be maid-of-honour for a friends wedding, then demoted to bridesmaid, then guest, then booted off the list entirely.
"The wedding rolls around, and I messaged her to make sure it was still okay that I brought a date to the wedding. She said no, that I didn’t RSVP and she didn’t include me in her count for a seat. I deleted her off of social media and haven’t spoken to her since."
And a third, a professional wedding photographer, told the story of how he was prevented from doing his job by the 'Uncle Bob', the family member who'd bought a camera two weeks earlier and managed to ruin just about every shot.
"Ceremony time. Remember, gear is all set up right? Well.... WAS!!! My assistant runs to me and says he moved ALL my gear!!! Where I was going to post myself for the entrance shot.. he’s now kneeling down at and shoved my second shooter out of the way! The bride sees this and is now crying. Saying her wedding is ruined! Says I didn’t do my job setting up everything! Whaaaaattt??!"
All identities are obscured, of course. This isn't a 'naming and shaming' group.
But while it could easily become a place of unfettered nastiness, most people are more than happy to shame their own weddings, too. It's a place to let off steam from decades old grievances, laugh at their own fashion choices, and bond with total strangers over the $300 billion wedding industry. It's cathartic.
And mostly, it's just good, gossipy, bitchy fun. There's nothing shameful about that.
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