How To Tell If Your Partner Is Lying To You
Bill. Bill. Bill. Why would you lie to Ali about dating Dog Park Amy?
We can smell your hipster pants burning from here.
If you don't know what we're talking about -- well, it's The Bachelorette, right? Last week, third place getter Bill took Ali on a hometown date, and instead of taking her to meet his family, he took her to meet Amy, a girl he met at the dog park, who told Ali that they had dated briefly a year ago.
Okay so that is pretty bad. But it gets worse.
When Ali confronted Bill about it, he said 'we never dated'. EVEN THOUGH AMY HAD TOLD ALI THEY HAD. (He also then kinda slut shamed Amy, but that is a different story all together.)
Ali realised -- rightly -- that how Bill dealt with this would possibly be how he would deal with things in the future, and that she felt weird about their relationship knowing this -- and boom, Bill was gone.
Liar, liar Bill, you'd better watch those pants don't set anything else alight on your way out of mansion.
All jokes aside, it brings up some very important points about partners and lying. It's a minefield out there.
"Being able to tell if someone is lying can be tricky, especially if you don’t know the person too well," Lysn psychologist Gabrielle McCorry told 10 daily. "If you’ve been in a relationship for a long time with a person and you notice them acting differently or feel as though something is wrong, chances are they might be hiding something. If you’ve only known a person for a short amount of time, then it can be a lot harder to pick up on any cues."
If, unlike Ali, you aren't able to immediately call them out on it because you have the actual facts in front of you -- I mean, come on Bill! -- how can you spot if they're not telling you the truth? Well, that's just the point. It's really hard.
Take 10 daily staffer Jasmine, who dated a guy for six months before she realised he wasn't being honest with her.
"We were dating -- he was talking about the future with me, everything. Then I went on his social media and discovered he had had a girlfriend for the whole time. Four months later, they were engaged. He then blocked me on social media so I wouldn't see it."
Or how about Sarah, who found her partner had been stealing money from her savings and openly lied when she confronted him. "He'd basically been spending up big on nights out with his friends, and I thought it was his pay he'd been using. The fall out from that was long winded and painful, and I am still not over it, to be honest."
"There is no universal, sure fire way to tell if someone is lying," Gabrielle told 10 daily, "but there are some subtle signs that can hint to the possibility of a lie."
Body language experts believe they can pick up on nonverbal cues -- these can range from a person not being able to look you in the eye, slow eye blinking, eyes darting about, or constantly fidgeting.
And of course, now Bill's infamous tongue poking can get added to that list.
"However," warned Gabrielle, "if a person is doing this when they are talking to you, it doesn’t necessarily mean that they are lying. Shifting eyes can also mean that a person is thinking, and this movement can also mean that they are accessing their long-term memory. In particular, it’s been shown that people tend to look to the left when lying as they are accessing their imagination, and to the right if being truthful as they are accessing memories and facts. However, this is not a fool-proof lie detection method as a small number of people do it the other way around."
Overall, contradictions between a person’s body language and the words they use may indicate they are lying. For example, if they say they agree with you but shake their head from side to side, this may be a sign of a lie.
Next, according to Gabrielle, there can be changes in behaviour that can signify that a person might be hiding something. "Things like hiding or locking their phone, taking secret phone calls or disappearing without an explanation for where they have been."
Other changes in behaviour could occur when you’re talking to them -- they might talk in sentence fragments, seem insecure when talking to you, repeat questions before answering them, play with their hair, or increase hand to face contact such as nose scratching.
And of course, there are lies where someone is simply not telling you the whole story or they’ve intentionally left some details out (for example, where they stayed the night or how they got home).
"If a person isn’t willing to tell you ALL the details, chances are they are worried about what will happen if they do," said Gabrielle. "Omitting the truth, being vague, deflecting to another topic, and telling white lies can sometimes point to bigger problems.
According to body language expert, Alan Pease, people may try to convince you that what they are saying is truthful by using phrases such as, ‘To be totally honest’ or ‘To tell you the truth’, which is then followed by a lie."
And lastly, of course, there's your gut. "Research suggests that people can sometimes have an intuitive idea about whether someone is lying and that is usually just a ‘feeling’ more than anything else," said Gabrielle. "Learn to trust your instincts and listen to what your ‘gut’ is telling you."
Feature Image: Network 10