What Size Condom Should You Prick... Sorry, Pick

This is the schlong and the short of it...

Ladies and Gents we have an announcement to make.

Size DOES matter. There. We've said it.

But not in the way you think. What we're talking about here is condom size. You see, so any people get it so wrong. Just like fashionistas trying to squeeze their feet into too-small shoes in the name of fashion, men are trying to squeeze their, well, shafts, into too-small condoms in the name of, well, passion.

READ MORE: New Self-Lubricating Condom Designed To Last 'At Least 1000 Thrusts'

Yep this is going to get graphic pretty quickly. Apologies.

First up, after reading a very comprehensive guide published in Allure,  you need to know the condom sizes available to you.

There are three standard condom sizes readily available at chemists and sex shops -- and bear in mind we're talking in inches here because it seems that is the standard measure of members worldwide.

OK here we go. Oh, and width is literally width, not girth. Which is diameter. Got it? Gah, there's so much room to cock this up.

Small:

Small condoms are the best fit for penises (and sex toys) up to two inches in width and seven inches in length.

Standard:

People with penises that are two to two and a half inches in width and up to seven and a half inches in length will find that standard condoms are the best fit.

Large:

For people with penises that are just over two and a half inches wide and go up to around nine inches long, large condoms are the best option.

So. It seems you need to actually know your penis size so you can buy the right rubber. But there is a super-easy way to get an idea of just how long is your schlong, and as an added boner-us means you can happily avoid having to divide your girth by π to find your willy width, as first prescribed by Allure's expert, Sammi Cole from Lovehoney.

(Also great for avoiding having to ever say the word girth again.)

READ MORE: Do Condoms Make Men Lose Their Erections?

"Try grabbing the cardboard tube that comes inside a roll of toilet paper and slipping it over the erect shaft," she suggests. "If it’s too tight, you might find larger condoms work best; too loose, and you might be better suited to small or snug condoms. If it’s just right, then standard condoms are most likely to be your best bet."

Let's get it on. Image: Getty

So why is this all so important? For the use of all those words for penis, natch.

Oh, and also because if you're wearing the wrong size condom, you could be seriously impacting your  -- and your partner's -- sexual health.

Sex educator Corrine Kai told Allure, “You definitely don't want to use a condom that is too big if someone is on the smaller size, as semen could leak out the sides of the condom or the condom could slide off prematurely."  And as Sammi Cole added, there are other concerns too. "Use a condom that’s too big, and it could come off or bunch up during wear. Use a condom that’s too small, and it can roll down or split, as well as cut off circulation to the wearer.”

READ MORE: The 6 Bedroom Habits Playing Havoc With Your Sex Life

Oh, and one more thing.

No one is "too big" to wear a condom. Most brands go up to over nine inches in length and around two and a half inches in width -- or roughly eight inches in girth --and the average penis size is just over five inches long and just under five inches around. So in fact, there's very little chance of coming across a penis that legitimately doesn’t fit into any condom.

So pull the other one. As it were.

Feature image: Getty