Australian Survivor 2018: It's Time For The Big Merge!

Spoilers inside, do I have to tell you again?

After last night’s rainy Tribal Council saw us bid farewell to Heath, we now have 12 contestants left in Survivor: Champions v Contenders.

Tonight, they waste no time getting right into the swing of things, with Jono drops the moment we’ve been waiting for -- drop ya buffs, it's time for the BIG MERGE!!

There’s a whole lot of hugging between everyone as they’re given fancy new black buffs, and Commando is actually me when he says “finally, my colour!”

But wait, there’s another surprise... There’ll be a Survivor auction, where each contestant gets $500 to bid on treats -- and everyone is fkn FROTHING!

First item up is a choccy milk, and Monika’s enthusiasm over it is basically us whenever our Deliveroo driver brings us food and an Oak choccy milk while we’re dying from a hangover.

They launch right into bidding, and we’ve never seen Sam look so salty as when Benji tries to outbid him. Never come between a man and his choccy milk!!!!

Lucky for Sam, he wins his choccy milk and honestly, we’ve never seen someone so happy in their life.

Next up, we have a covered up ~mystery~ item, which is won by Shane for $250 -- unfortunately for her, it’s a scroll that says she's bought herself out of the auction, but she has a seat at the beggar's table which means she's allowed to beg for other people’s scraps. Devo!

Everyone’s just like …

But then dear sweet angel heart Sam offers her a sip of his choccy milk and we just love him so much.

A drool-worthy meal of poached eggs and tomato on toast are up next -- which sees Benji and Fenella battle it out for the delish breaky staple. Fenella wins it for $200, says it’s “pretty f***ing amazing”, she also gives Shan a bite, which is nice.

Next up is a WHOLE PAVLOVA, and while everyone tries to get in on it, Sharn takes it out in the end. She also gives Shane a piece, and seriously, Shane’s copping a pretty sweet deal considering she bought herself out of the auction, 'cos she is absolutely swindling these people out of their winnings.

"Suckers."

We’ve got another mystery item next on the menu -- and Brian wins it for $320, though he immediately regrets it thinking he’s been stitched up. And did he ever!!!

He literally gets a giant bowl of rice and doesn’t even get a spoon to eat it with.

There’s yet another mystery item up for grabs, which Benji buys for $460, and we reallyreallyreally hope it’s something crap like the rest of the mystery items, but alas -- it’s not.

In fact, it's full-on pub meal of burger, chips and a Coke. We're jealous, and we're not even stranded on a remote island.

We don’t really think Benji deserves such a treat, but we digress…

NEXT UP! It’s a jar of lollies, kind of like those ones at school fetes where you have to guess the number of jellybeans??? Anyway, Shonee literally spends her entire wad of cash on it, and as she’s scoffing a bunch of red frogs she notices a clue inside the jar!! She decides to keep it hidden and come back to it later. Lollies first always!!

The next item up for auction is a full-on mattress, bed, and pillows to use for three nights -- and tbh after a month of sleeping on the sand, we would be bidding for this way harder than any lolly jar.

Brian wins the bed! And devs for everyone else who didn’t bid on anything, ‘cos there’s nothing else up for grabs. Shame!!

Back at camp, our new faves #Shonella are having a mad bitch about everyone. Apparently, all the rest of the tribe talk about is nutrition, and according to Shonee, “every fifth word they say is big, I don’t understand anything” and we feel that.

Big mood.

Meanwhile, Benji has moved on from using 'kingdom' and 'dethroning' metaphors to using Roman colosseum metaphors -- and look it’s not much better, but it’s a slight improvement, I guess?

Soon after, under the darkness of night, Sam and Lydia sneak off to discuss strategies and tactics. Sam tells Lydia that because she’s a huge physical threat she could be next on the chopping block -- but he has her back. Cute! We love you Sam <3

Lydia says that Fenella should be next to go, and hun, don’t you even think about breaking up our fave friendship!!!

When everyone heads off in search of papayas, Shonee takes the opportunity to suss out the clue in her lolly jar. Turns out, it gives her the power to steal another contestant’s vote and have two votes in Tribal Council when she chooses.

She stuffs it down her top, then it’s time for tonight’s challenge.

And holy shiz -- the producers have really upped their game with the hectic feats of strength, ‘cos this one involves each competitor holding themselves up on a pole for as long as possible. Honestly, our arms hurt for a week just thinking about it.

Within the first few mins, Shane’s just like NOPE and climbs right on outta the challenge, and we don’t blame her. Monika soon follows suit, then Brian.

YEAH NAH.

Lydia, of course, is absolutely smashing the challenge, but on the sidelines, a shifty Shane suggests to Brian and Mon that they should blindside Lydia at Tribal Council.

AN HOUR later, Jono tells the nine remaining competitors to move down to the next peg.

Robbie soon falls off, and soon Commando and Benji are like f*** this. Also sorry -- but can we appreciate the fact that Sam is still holding up long after Commando and Robbie called it quits??? Brains and brawn -- we love that!!

Fast forward and after a few more quitters, and we’re left with Lydia, Sharn and Sam.

Shane ropes more people in for the blindside against Lydia, and everyone’s down for it considering she absolutely smokes them all in every challenge.

Well, 2 hours and 45 mins later to be precise, and it’s time to move down a peg. It’s too much for Sam who calls it a day.

Lydia is still so fine, just holding onto this pole like a damn koala, and everyone suspects she’s the Terminator.

Fast forward to FOUR FREAKING HOURS LATER… and Lydia and Sharn are still going. Like, is this a joke? I didn’t this was even humanely possible.

Lydia slips… and Sharn wins!!!

With Lydia not protected with immunity, is this the end of her Survivor journey?? Look, as long as it’s not Shonee, I’m ok with it.

Meanwhile, Robbie’s trying to convince everyone to vote Fenella, and a couple of members agree -- though Brian realises he doesn’t know how to spell her name.

Vanilla?

It’s time for our first Tribal Council with our new merged tribe!!!

There’s a helluva lot of back and forth, and we’re getting mad anxiety not knowing who might leave.

Jono counts the votes… And while it’s closer than ever between Lydia and Fenella, the tribe has spoken and it's Terminator Lydia who must go home!!!

Shonee is stoked, though, cos it means her jungle BFF Fenella is still in the game.

Yasss!

Lydia is SALTY at everyone, but darl this is Survivor -- you can’t take it personally.

Tune in next week, where it looks like our Survivors will go through even MORE hectic challenges. Including one where it looks like they're submerged underwater and we already have anxiety.

Cya next week!!

Australian Survivor: Champions Versus Contenders airs 7.30 Monday-Tuesday on TEN, WIN Network and Tenplay.