Mel B Opens Up About 2014 Suicide Attempt
In Mel B's new memoir 'Brutally Honest', the Spice Girl opened up about attempting suicide during her tumultuous marriage to her ex-husband Stephen Belafonte.
In an excerpt from the book published by The Sun, Mel B -- aka Melanie Brown -- revealed that in December 2014, she attempted to end her own life by taking 200 painkillers.
Writing that she had been "stockpiling" Asprin for years, the singer recalled asking herself "are you sure?" after swallowing each pill.
“Are you sure?” And I take another one. Ten, 20, 50, 100. “Are you sure?”
At the time, Mel was a judge on the UK's X-Factor, but wrote that "behind the glitter of fame, I felt emotionally battered, estranged from my family."
She continued: "I felt ugly and detested by the very man who once promised to love and protect me, my husband and manager Stephen."
Mel went on to write that Stephen "had a library of sex tapes" of the two of them, and feared that he would use them to destroy her career and family.
After writing a suicide note to her eldest daughter, Phoenix, and taking the last of her 200 pills, she realised that she "didn’t want to go anywhere".
"Suicide was not the answer. I had to make my life count. I had to get to a hospital. I had to get those pills out of my stomach before anything happened," she wrote.
Mel went on to recall forcing herself out of the bathroom -- having to throw herself at the door, which "for some reason... was jammed", and collapsing on the floor.
"I lay semi-conscious on the bathroom floor and, with tears streaming down my face, drifting in and out of consciousness, waited to die," she wrote.
READ MORE: Mel B Has Checked In To Rehab
Waking up in the hospital, Mel said that although her memories are hazy, she can still recall how angry Phoenix was with her.
"Furious, shaking, full of rage. Of all the memories from all those hours, it is the one that still floors me," she said. "It was the saddest moment of my life. All I ever want is for her to know how sorry I am, how lost I was and how I’ll never, ever abandon her again."
Ignoring the advice of her doctors, and despite being in intensive care, Mel went on to appear on The X-Factor on Sunday, after missing only one show.
Bruised from having to force her way out of the bathroom and from the IV drips from the hospital, she then went on to refuse to cover the bruises with a long-sleeved dress.
"I would stand proud in this stunning white dress, the marks of my agony all over me. I asked for my hair to be pulled right back from my face. I needed to be seen. I needed all those bruises to be seen," she wrote, adding that she also removed her wedding ring for the first time, meant as a message to the audience, the press and her husband.
"As ever, on that stage — any stage — I felt fully myself. Untouchable. Melanie Brown. Wonder Woman," she wrote, adding that there was "no going back" from her message to Stephen.
"I’m going to leave him, get a divorce. I’m going to be free," she said.
Read the full excerpt here.
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