Noah Cyrus Is Selling Her Tears For $12,000
More like Noah Cryus.
"HAVE A GOOD DAY AND DON'T DO METH" is one of the messages that scrolls at the bottom of the Pizzaslime store, a website comprised entirely of hyper-colour text boxes and low-budget animations all displayed on a greasy cheese pizza surface.
"Oh wow," we thought to ourselves, "we are truly too old to be on this website".
But like many intrepid "journalists" that have come before us, onward we trekked to bring you this, the story of Noah Cyrus and her $12,000 tears.
Yes, the younger of the Cyrus empire -- the Danni to Miley's Kylie -- is gearing up to release her EP Good Cry and to promote it she has partnered with the aforementioned Pizzaslime to release some limited edition merchandise.
The merch includes hoodies that feature messages like "sry i'm trash" and "Noah Cyrus sucks" as well as a mug that reads "Noah Cyrus Tears", but what is the point of the mug if you cannot fill it with the delicious salty tears of Noah Cyrus?
Well, you're in luck because alongside the merch is a small vial of what the site is claiming to be Noah Cyrus' tears.
"This is approximately 12 tears made by Noah Cyrus as a result of sadness," the item description reads.
"Human digestion of these tears is not suggested cause tears are generally pretty salty and that would just be super f**king weird if you drank someone else's tears," it continues.
The item, along with all of the Noah-related merch, is only on sale for 48 hours and currently retails at $12,000 USD. That's $1,000 per tear.
So there you go, that's what the youth is up to these days. Now if you'll excuse us, we're going to go google some early retirement home options.
Featured image: Getty.