Australian Survivor 2018: Revenge Is A Dish Best Served Cold

Fun fact: if you take a shot every time Benji says "The Godfather" this episode, you'll need an ambulance!

Aaaaaand we’re back!

ICYMI last night, hearts shattered across Australia as we said goodbye to resident eye-candy Robbie after he became the “sacrificial lamb” of the Koro Savu tribe (but mostly for Benji).

BUT he is the first member of the Jury, which is great.

Goodnight, sweet prince...

We enter tonight’s episode with a gut-punch straight to the feels!!

It’s Mat’s son Max’s birthday, and to celebrate he’s drawn a sweet message in the sand that reads, “Happy birthday to my little hero, Max. Love Dad.”

SOB!

Wow ok, two minutes in and we’re already ugly crying. New record!

READ MORE: Australian Survivor 2018: A Rivalry For The Ages

READ MORE: Australian Survivor 2018: Robbie Wanted To Leave As A Huge Threat

Mat also mentions it’s also his island BFF Commando’s birthday, so he also got a special message in the sand to celebrate his 42nd birthday. Honestly, Mat and Commando are our fave friendship duo in the game, besides, of course, #Shonella (obviously).

The tribe make him a birthday cake with the ingredients they have, which is a potato with a carrot sticking out of it. Tbh, it’s probably not far off what Commando would actually eat given his super-fit lifestyle.

We get right into tonight’s Reward Challenge, and Benji is saying how sad he was to see his buddy Rob go, even though he… voted for him?

ANYWAY, tonight’s challenge involves a hybrid of beach sprint and flags (if you ever did Nippers growing up you’ll be well aware), but instead of diving for flags, they’re diving for an idol.

The prize? A trip to Survivor day spa where the winner will have access to showers, soap and even a razor to rid themselves of those pesky leg hairs that are probably making a soft rustle in the breeze at this point.

They'll also get wine and cheese!

The game of Survivor-flags begins, and Mon’s out first, followed by Commando who doesn’t even try. He says he’s happy with his living conditions so he doesn’t need some fancy spa. Ok then!!

Nippers for castaways!

Shane also hectically shoulder barges Sharn, and we’re low-key loving this new, aggressive Shane Gould.

Deal with it.

Down to the final two and it’s Benji and Mat -- but this time they have to grab the idol, and bring it back to the starting line. There’s a bit of suspicious-looking wrestling again, but our Mat brings it home in the end, hooray!!

Mat’s also allowed to bring two people, so he picks Fenella and Sharn. And while he says he picked them for their "sense of humour", Sam sees it as a chance to make alliances with former Contenders, and so he decides it’s time for his big move!

Over at the spa villa, and it’s pretty fkn lit. There’s champas, chocolate, moisturiser, shampoo, the whole shebang. You know the feeling of having a shower after a long day? I imagine it would be like that -- but times it by about 1000.

Bougie!

It turns out, Sam’s correct in thinking Mat’s getting all ~strategic~, 'cos he soon convinces Fenella and Sharn to form a small alliance with him.

Mat also brings razors, tweezers, and soap back for the rest of the tribe, and it’s a huge hit. Benji is salty over it, saying that Mat thinks he’s “the Godfather”, and are we going to have to hear this as much as "dethrone the queen”??? because...

Also, Mat only brings Benji back a breath mint, and LOL.

Meanwhile, Brian goes off to wash his uh, manhood, with the newly gifted soap and basically, Shonee’s face says it all. We also get a glimpse of Brian’s butt, and look -- it’s no Robbie and more 'Loch Ness Monster' but we’ll take it...

  

Surprise! Benji’s being a snake again. This time, he hopes to pretend to be Mat’s friend and throw him under the bus like he did to Robbie. He also says “Godfather” three more times and we just can’t with this guy...

WATER TORTURE IMMUNITY CHALLENGE TIME! And holy sh*t, is this the stuff of nightmares or what?!

It’s literally a cold, watery cage of death in which each contestant has to stay under while the tide rises and fishes bite them. Sorry, but that would be a hard pass from us.

The water slowly rises, aaaand of course, Brian pees in the middle of the challenge.

Fifty minutes in and the water is just about covering everyone’s mouth and nose, and we’re getting mad anxiety just watching this.

Like… is this even safe??? Are they not getting hypothermia?? What happens if someone drowns?? We have so many questions!!

NOPE

Mat just takes out the immunity Challenge! And we’re cheering ‘cos it means plans to kick him out at Tribal Council have, for now, been thwarted.

Sam then puts forward that they should vote Commando, and really guys??? It’s his birthday, come on now.

Meanwhile, Mat and Sam have a chat, and Mat calls him out for leaking info to those outside their alliance, and Mat tells him he can’t trust him anymore -- but says he should vote for Benji tonight.

I've made a huge mistake.

But this is Survivor, so…. PLOT TWIST!

Mat declares in a confessional that while he likes Sam, after breaking his trust he must go. And you know what happens when you cross the Godfather...

Sam senses a growing target on his back, so he tries to make good with his old mate Mat again. He blames Benji, saying he told him that Mat wants to vote for him. And though it's a blatant lie, we’re okay with that.

The entire tribe has turned into one giant Chinese whispers, and we’re living for it!!

It’s Tribal time! And Robbie’s looking scrubbed up and ~refreshed~ after time in the Jury Villa.

Why does he have a shirt on?

Sam spews word vomit to Jonathan, and we can’t help but think he might just be digging his own grave. As Mat says, “in this game, words kill you quick,” yet Sam keeps talking???

Jonathan counts the votes...  the tribe has spoken, and it's Sam who must leave and will be our second member of the jury.

Until next week, friends.

Australian Survivor: Champions Versus Contenders Airs 7.30 Monday-Tuesday on TEN, WIN Network and Tenplay.