Australian Survivor 2018: Swingers, Pullers & Male Intuition

SPOILERS INSIDE.

Aaaaand we’re back!

As we continue to reel from last night’s absolute travesty of a tribal council in which war hero and all-round team player Damien was eliminated in favour of crocodile tears Jackie, EVEN THOUGH Damo was essential in winning both challenges and Jackie was… not (despite being a self-proclaimed puzzle expert).

But we adapt, we change, and most importantly we digress...

It’s day 9 and Steve is really getting amongst the whole castaway life. He’s giving Robbie lessons in martial arts on the beach and we’re getting major Mr. Miyagi/Karate kid vibes.

He’s also teaching Benji some Mandarin and building a crab trap on the beach, and we're all for this new-and-improved Steve that actually gets sh*t done instead of conspicuously searching for immunity idols.

That is until he suggests to Zach that "he's not being disrespectful, but they need to get rid of some of the younger girls," and we thought it was 2018 but okay. We all know what happened to Russell when he underestimated #GirlPower so we're interested in seeing how this fairs for old mate Steve.

Meanwhile, Queen Moana is busy buddying up with Mat and lets him in on her lil secret. Like some dodgy drug deal you see on Banged Up Abroad, she asks him to hide the idol she found at yesterday's tribal council in his bag. She's also wearing a hoodie which makes everything look more suss, tbh.

SHIFTY AF.

It's time for the first challenge!

Our Contenders get their first look at the new Champions group sans Damo, and Robbie says what we're all thinking by exclaiming, "Damn. That's sad," upon realising Jackie was still there that Damien had been eliminated.

The prize for this challenge is an evening with a Survivor vanity, equipped with toothbrushes, floss, mouth rinse and lip balm, and we're just over here gagging at the thought of over 20 people with savage morning breath but like x100 worse.

In tonight's challenge, a member from each team must physically pry the other player from a big-ass pole and drag them across the sand. Although we can't be sure since we're way too distracted by a shirtless Robbie and Zach.

hello.

There's a whole lot of kicking, wrestling, screaming and dragging -- and just as it looks like the Champs will take it home in the deciding round, all hell breaks loose 'cos Jenna has injured her ankle again and the challenge is halted.

Jenna's like, "I'm good, I want to finish this," but she's clearly not okay seeing as she's sobbing and she's grimacing in pain. Like, chill sisstop trying to be a hero and go get some ice on that bad boy quick smart 'cos a twisted ankle isn't gonna do anyone any favours.

Anyway, like any sane person would, they tell Jenna she needs to sit this one out aaaaand eventually the Champions bring it home and Jenna is pissed off.

Fast forward to Losers Contenders camp, and it looks like Jenna's ankle has suffered ligament damage -- which is pretty serious and definitely not ideal for surviving in the elements on a random island void of any normal living necessities.

Over at Champs camp, and we've never seen such a group of people so collectively stoked about oral hygiene, and that's probably because they don't have to deal with each other's rank breath anymore, which is always a plus.

DRAMATISATION: MAY NOT HAVE HAPPENED

Cut to pro-skater wife Shonee and she's had a gutful of the boys' sh*t,  especially Zach's, who is too busy ogling Paige and yelling out "DAT ASS" to realise the girls are completely grossed out by his seedy behaviour and having a mad bitch about him.

It's challenge number two! And it's some complicated axe-chopping/obstacle course/tug-o-war that reminds us of a way more insane version of Mousetrap. Honestly, it looks wild and definitely something we would be terrible at.

Anyway, they're climbing the wall in the obstacle course and Jackie gets stuck at the top and is literally blocking the rest of her team from climbing up as the Contenders each jump over their own wall with ease. Bet you wish you kept Damien in the game now, hey guys?????

Somehow, despite Jackie again being a LiABiLiTy, the Champions win the challenge, which means it's the Contenders who will have to face tonight's tribal council!!!!!

The boys talk about voting for Shonee -- but in yet another twist Zach reveals that the whole thing's a ploy to blindside Paige. He also mentions that ~tHa BoYz~ are hoping to knock out "a few of the girls hanging around the bottom" as if they're some sort of pesky insects, and tbh at this point, we're really over Zach and his super douchey attitude.

It's the all-important tribal council -- and Jonathan asks Zach if the alliances are like an Aussie BBQ where the boys drink beer on one side and the girls drink wine on the other, and Fenella butts in saying she would be drinking beer too, and we love that.

The votes are counted... and while it's a close one between Sneaky Steve and Paige, old mate Steve ultimately gets the boot, and tbh we're just devo everyone didn't unanimously kick out dudebro Zach.

See you again tomorrow, friends!

Australian Survivor: Champions Versus Contenders airs 7.30 Tuesday-Thursday on TEN, WIN Network and Tenplay.