Australian Survivor 2018: Chicken And Fish And Idols, Oh My!

SPOILERS AHEAD.

Hi friends, welcome back to another week of Survivor!

In today's ep, we kick off with a literal wild goose chase (well, chicken). After a few failed attempts to catch his feathered friend without success, Samuel names our new friend Jonathon, and we can't help but be reminded of Chester the chicken from a previous season.

Meanwhile, the rest of Australia is busy falling in love with Moana, who not only is a talented AFLW player but cares for her sister with disabilities, and seriously, could she be any sweeter? Plus the bromance (chickship?) between her and Sharn is actual #goals.

On the other side of the spectrum, however, is poker player Jackie. We know she's a poker player because she's mentioned in about 12573 times in the first five mins of this episode alone.

After being tied with villain Russell last ep, she's only JUST missed being kicked off the island and decides that she wants to target the "weakest" contestants. And for some reason she thinks that is double amputee war hero Damien, and sis, don't even try.

Next up we have a soccer penalty shootout -- featuring an impressive FIFA-level goal save from Damo -- and the Champions take it home in the end and win a bunch of fishing equipment and a big-ass fish feast.

Over the in the Contenders camp, it's a much more hangry scene. But not for Heath, who went to fill up his water bottle and happened to discover a clue as to where an immunity idol is located (spoiler: it's apparently under the lid of the voting urn).

Switching over to the Champions camp, everyone's too busy stuffing their faces with fish to realise there's also an idol clue RIGHT AT THEIR FEET.

LITERALLY. THEY KEEP STEPPING ON IT.

But of course, Queen Moana, who has been left waiting on the scraps of her team's meal since she's vego -- is the only one to spot it.

Both players from each camp decide they're going to throw the next challenge so they can nab the idol, so it's set to make the next challenge V. V. INTERESTING.

So as it turns out, the challenge is some complicated medieval looking contraption that's kind of like a horse and chariot.... but it's Survivor contestants and a giant wheel... and they have to do a puzzle at the end?

We're totally agreeing with Jonathon when he says the challenges team must have been smoking something fierce when coming up this one 'cos WTF is this even?!!

The contenders take out the challenge, and Moana is just like "whatevs" because she now can get her mitts on that sweet, sweet immunity idol during tribal council.

Cut to the Champions post-challenge loss, and Jackie's back on her bullsh*t again, thinking she's God's gift to Survivor because she's a poker player (WE GET IT). She literally fake cries to get sympathy from everyone, except Moana, of course, who is a master player and can see right through Jackie's "crocodile tears."

Thankfully, everyone starts agreeing they'll vote for Jackie over dear, sweet angel Damo, and we honestly, we would vote for her too just to put an end to her annoying poker analogies. Also, astrophysicist Sam throws some ~major~ shade at Jackie, which is hilarious so we now stan him.

Fast forward aaaand it's tribal council time!

Everyone shades Jackie's crappy puzzle skills, which she tries to defend by saying "not every puzzle is the type she's used to," and cue our eyes rolling way back into our head.

Moana snags her immunity idol, and all seems well -- until it's revealed that the majority of the Champs voted for dear angel Damien AND SERIOUSLY WHAT THE HELL ! ?? !!

Honestly, we're so mad rn we literally can't even. Even Commando is pissed off at the whole affair.  DW Damo, you're still a champion in our eyes <3.

Until tomorrow, friends!